On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
