there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
