I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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