just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
