Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
