Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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