youre lurking in front of me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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