i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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