Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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