Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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