pop tarts are not kleenex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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