Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
