my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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