Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
