Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
