And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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