Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
