I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
