Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
