Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
