I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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