I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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