She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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