he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
