fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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