all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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