scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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