Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Mom said you looked used
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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