watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
