dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
