Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
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Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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