I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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