It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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