WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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