It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i've created a new STD.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
