Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
