I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
