i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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