That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
