Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
