considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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