Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
