At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's the barista slut.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
