I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
