Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
