btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
