just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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