i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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