im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
