it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
