I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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