The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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