Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
