You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
