Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
