Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
