remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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