he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
