If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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