You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
