Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
