true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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