chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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