i just google imaged poop.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
