I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
