Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
