I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
