6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
