What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
