I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
